Monday, February 28, 2011

You're not the only table here!

Yes, I see you there looking impatient and staring at me intensely. But you're not the only table in the restaurant right now. Seriously, go ahead and look around you. It's okay, I'll wait. Yeah, you see all these other people here.You have something in common with all of them. They are also here to enjoy a good meal that they didn't want to cook for themselves. You all think that you're the only table in the restaurant and your service is far more important than anyone else around you. However, that is not reality! So wake up and stop acting like a douche. Wait your turn, for I am a waiter. Which means I don't wait around at the table for you to figure out what you are in the mood for. Especially while you argue with your spouse. It means you wait for me. I will get to you as soon as I am able to. In fact, I actually want your time here to be enjoyable and your service to be timely. However, I will not neglect the rest of my entire section to ensure that you are happy. I'd rather you be miserable and sit there all upset than have my other tables suffer. If you would just exercise some patience, your experience will be much smoother. Don't get all huffy and puffy with your server. Because you are not the only table in this restaurant.
 Wait your turn like everyone else! Thanks

What's my name? Come on and guess.

Well let me throw a few guesses at you. Moron? Idiot? Jackass? None of those are your name? That's funny, because that's what we call you once you've gone! I'm not very good at guessing games. Should I guess again? Here's an idea. Tell me your name. I know you have before and I know what you normally like to drink too, but I may need a reminder a few times to remember your name. It's not a personal thing. You may be an asshole or you may just be one of the several hundred different people I serve on a weekly basis. You see with that many regulars, semi-regulars, irregulars, and randoms that come in here every day and week it gets difficult to memorize everyones names, but sometimes it's just easier to memorize who drinks what. Here is a helpful tip that will help your local bartender remember your name: Don't Be A Cheap Ass! First impressions are everything and so is that first TIP!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Are these your kids?

Stop running! Don't throw that! Stop yelling!  Slow down please!  These are the things I am telling random children through out the night.  Are these your kids?  You know the ones running all over the restaurant, all sugared up and behaving like animals. All while you feed them quarters to keep them distracted from you and don't throw a tantrum infront of everyone.  How about the group of kids who just finished playing their game (still in their uniforms), playing tag and wrestling by the front entrance, over quarters.  Or the kid that keeps head butting me in the groin because he never pays attention to where he is walking while counting quarters.  Or the kid that who walks up every few minutes to ask if I have a few extra quarters.  Or the ones that pushed their way through some other customers, rudely, running to you for more quarters.  We are happy that you can find a place to go so that you can enjoy yourselves and completely ignore your children! However we are not paid baby-sitters.  Also, DO NOT come complaining to us because your child fell on their face. Ran into a server and fell on their face. Or that their friend threw a toy and hit them in the face. Or that they ran into a server, who happen to dropped a hot pizza on their face. Lastly, don't comlain that your child ran into the front door with their face. Maybe they just need to be slapped across the face. Ever think of that?  And don't get mad at the table next to you for chastising your child publicly, when you refuse to teach them any manners or social restraint. If you can't control your kids then leave them at home-very simple.  If you were insulted by these statements, maybe you are not the great parent that you think you are and maybe your kids are not the shining examples of perfection that you claim them to be.  Call someone who cares.  Here are some quarters!

The Verbal Tip

Attention to those of you reading this and have ever worked in the bar or restaurant industry. You all know or have heard of a verbal tip. Your boyfriend or grandma and grandpa are guilty of this. A verbal tip usually means very little money or nothing at all. The nicer the customer and the nicer the things they say about you- the worst the tip. It's usually something like,"I just had to tell you that you are the best server we have ever had!" or "Tell the manager that you need a raise, because you are so good at your job." You're damn right I need a raise, because people like you don't know how to tip. If you really want to thank your server for excellent service may I suggest you actually tip them 20%. Because telling them that it was the best service that you have ever had and then hand them the bill with a 10% or less tip is really telling them that you are an idiot and a cheap ass for that matter. 10% tips do not pay the bills. Yes! We have bills too. Yes! We are people too. Yes! We suffer just like everybody else when the economy is down. So keep your verbal praises to yourself and give us the money or go to your favorite fast food drive through!

On behalf of Bartenders and Servers Worldwide!
TIPS: To Ensure Proper Service. And if this requirement is met, then pay up or don't come back because we aren't doing this for fun-thanks.